


drinking to cure your depression only works when you're drinking with friends

by snxckpxck



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, Gintama manga spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Shogun Assassination Arc mention, alcohol mention, slow burn but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25497856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snxckpxck/pseuds/snxckpxck
Summary: Nothing says “I’ve loved you for forever but I can wait” like a man dropping a plastic bag full of konbini food onto your face. And no one is better at that than Zenzou. The bag hits her face with an ‘ack’ and Zenzou holds back a chuckle. She’s still the number one assassin in Edo.--Post End of the Manga drabble. I can’t believe Gintoki ships ZenSachi.
Relationships: Hattori Zenzou & Sacchan | Sarutobi Ayame, Hattori Zenzou/Sarutobi Ayame
Comments: 11
Kudos: 25





	drinking to cure your depression only works when you're drinking with friends

_Lesson 240:「_ _People Can Only Live By Forgetting the Bad_ _」_

*

" _The duty you absolutely must fulfill still hasn't been carried out yet. To live and go home with the shogun, and with us. To go back to Edo together. Before being Oniwabanshuu, and before being shogun, that is a duty we have to fulfill as friends._ "

\-- Sarutobi Ayame

*

The first time Ayame sees the photo in ages, she nearly collapses in the streets. It’s been some time after Shigeshige’s death, and her wound from Takasugi is nearly fully healed. 

That gorilla bitch had sent it long ago in hopes of humiliating the masochist, but the memory of sitting by her friend (while wearing his underwear on her head) now hurts in a completely different way. She’s with said gorilla bitch and Tsukki. They were on their way back to her place after her last check-up at the hospital.

It was quiet, the way she fell. She just crumpled to her knees and stared at the phone in her hands.

She was looking through the deep recesses of her photos for an ugly picture of Tae, only to be grimly reminded of the loss of a good friend. She doesn’t cry until they’re inside. Tae and Tsukuyo are only silent as they sit by their friend. Each has a gentle, soothing hand, running down her back. There’s no danger of Ayame’s wound reopening at this point, but Tsukuyo cautions for it, nonetheless.

There is an unspoken understanding that no one is allowed to know she’s an ugly crier. Or she’ll run away forever. It was actually unspoken until she calmed down because of the fact that Tae managed to turn the _premade_ tea snacks into a dark matter when she brought them some tea, and Ayame resumed her normal aggravating self. 

_I’ll run away and never come back and you’ll all miss me and then I will come back, and you’ll tell me you were wrong to do so but I’ll just ignore your whole existence. I’ll live my best life with Gin-san and not you, and you can tell your cherry boy brother that I’ll take over the Yorozuya with Gin-san and we’ll live happily ever after_.

Otae hesitates to bite back a rather cheerfully sardonic reply, but lets the venom flow because it’s the way things are supposed to be, especially when you’re trying to return to some semblance of normalcy.

_Ara, don’t let the door hit you on the way out_.

_At least my ugly crying isn’t as ugly as your normal gorilla face_.

Tsukuyo sighs, no longer impeded by the threat of Ayame’s wound reopening, but was now instead more concerned at the woman getting maimed by their friend.

*

The second time Ayame sees the photo, she is drinking with Zenzou at Shigeshige’s grave. It was his birthday, and the remnants of the Oniwabanshu slipped in at the dead of night, long after the memorial services and fellow mourners had gone home. They were scattered about. Each had poured a drink for his grave. 

She shows Zenzou the offending picture: it's an out of focus shot of Shigeshige’s briefs on her head, while she’s decked out in red leather bdsm gear. And their good friend, nude as the day he was born, sitting on one of the many lounge chairs at Snack Smile.

Zenzou spits out his drink and is sent into a coughing fit, nearly falling off the branch he was perched on. 

Ayame only laughs. 

They exchange stories for the rest of the evening. Zenzou listens as Ayame’s voice grows softer and fonder with each memory. The confessional booth. The hostess club. The fucking pool incident. Each time Ayame saw Shigeshige (sorry: _Sho-chan_ ), it was fun. They’d never let on that both had known each other except for the smallest of glances, invisible to the untrained eye. But they had become friends again, under different circumstances. It would become a game between them: to see who was in the more embarrassing or compromising situation first. Shigeshige never failed to astound her.

Zenzou pours her another drink. They sit hidden in a tree, within full view of the grave, and the rest of the cemetery. The nightly patrol had come and gone without even glancing in their general direction. But they were there. They were all there. 

He recalls seeing her for the first time in over a decade when that stupid JUMP samurai and the rest of the Yorozuya were dragged in Katsura Kotaro’s attempt to rescue Elizabeth. There’s a phantom pain in his ass as he recalls the samurai’s bokuto traumatically shoved up his asshole. Her fight with Wakikaoru would have been hilarious if he wasn’t internally seething over the fact that Ayame was fawning, ‘ _Gin-san_ ’ this and ‘ _Gin-san_ ’ that. He doesn’t tell her that part, though. It did stroke his ego when he was talking about how _dangerous_ he is. He wonders if she could stroke something else.

He catches this thought before it could be fully realized, and neatly compartmentalizes it as Ayame takes another sip of the incredibly expensive and delicious sake from the castle that they so graciously helped themselves to. It was something he’d probably have to address in the future. But for now, the moon is high, and the company is good. 

They sit in silence as they share another drink with their fallen friend. 

*

Ayame was more tired than drunk, truthfully, but intoxication is a completely valid excuse for her to stumble into the Yorozuya without a second thought. She’s loud as she bumbles, her glasses long since fallen off somewhere on the rooftops of Neo-Edo. But she knows this place like the back of her own hand, and finds comfort in the empty space in the ceiling. Her usual hiding spot gives absolutely none of the comfort it once did. She recalls the first night she crashed through the roof. How Gintoki followed along her stupid plan. How he ended up awakening this new, intense, hot, raw, passionate side of her that was always left unfulfilled, and left her begging for more when Gintoki didn’t so much as glance at her.

If only Gintoki were here. He’d reprimand her. He’d probably crush her into the ground, and she’d like it. They’d dance their dance and she’d feel refreshed, having been thoroughly distracted from her gruesome life as an assassin for hire (and a part-timer at a kunoichi cafe).

But he’s not here.

No one’s here. 

The lights at the Yorozuya are on occasionally, more so now that Shinpachi’s resolve has solidified after Kagura and Gintoki left. The young boy is at home with Tae tonight. She knows this because she saw them buying groceries earlier. _Nabe sounds good_. 

Zenzou shows up with her glasses and a bag of food an hour later. 

Nothing says _"I've loved you for forever but I can wait"_ like a man dropping a plastic bag full of konbini food onto your face. And no one is better at that than Zenzou. The bag hits her face with an _'ack'_ and Zenzou holds back a chuckle. After all, she’s still the number one assassin in Edo. 

Ayame fishes for the thing she knew would be there: a natto roll. There’s some onigiri and dried squid, and two cans of that new caffeinated shochu drink. She pulls both cans out and hands one to Zenzou as they move to the main room. There’s a thin layer of dust on the wooden ‘Sugar Content’ board above Gintoki’s desk, but for the most part, everything else remains clean. Shinpachi must still be keeping the place tidy. Old habits die hard. 

Zenzou watches Ayame through his hair. The assassin has never looked more vulnerable. Not since the time that stupid samurai broke her glasses, and he and his children made a mess of his home. 

Not since the time in the rice fields in the land of the ninja.

They both drink and eat in silence, but it's still better than drinking alone. Zenzou places her glasses on the table when Ayame finishes her food. She picks them up with a soft smile and puts them on.

" _Ara_ , it seems my glasses have gotten dirty… it's hard to see out of them," she says, barely concealing a hiccup.

In a bold rush of courage (or stupidity), he pulls her into his lap and wipes away at her tears before they can fall.

"Don't worry, I'll clean them up for you."

_I won’t let you cry in front of me ever again_.

He means it. So long as he's alive he will never let her cry ever again. Not over him, not over their fallen friends, and not even over that stupid JUMP samurai. Even if he has to go through all the demons in hell and King Enma himself, he vows to never let her cry ever again.

***

Zenzou scoffs in annoyance. Every so often he runs into that stupid JUMP samurai at the konbini. He doesn't bother listening to anything the samurai is rambling on about. It probably has something to do with his brat children who are also back now that their prodigal father has returned from his quest to get to the Dragon Quest Caravan Heart or whatever. Zenzou doesn't say anything back except that Gintoki missed two years of One Piece and drops a few spoilers (his reasoning being that the samurai spoiled his mood). 

That of course starts an argument and neither of them notice Sarutobi (in her new and improved and much sexier timeskip outfit) enter the store.

It's a toss up of emotions. Should she prostrate herself before the man who awakened her deepest carnal sexual desires, inevitably changing her entire being, or should she quietly greet the man whose home she's currently staying in (Café Kunoichi went bankrupt a while back and it's tough to make rent on an assassin's salary when your money keeps going to your hedonistic hobbies and drinking habits).

Zenzou notices her first, and he notices her hesitation as she walks through the store to pick up whatever she came in here for. If Gintoki had noticed her, he didn't let it show as he continued to insult Zenzou for ruining an arc he wasn't fully caught up on. Ayame finally comes round the corner, concealing any true emotions perfectly as she talks down to both of them, "I thought JUMP only comes out on Sundays. What are you two bums here for?"

"Porn." "Preparation H." The two bums answer simultaneously. 

Ayame just looks at both of them as she produces those two specific goods out of nowhere. To Gintoki, she hands the latest issue of _BDSM Digest_ , and to Zenzou she hands the hemorrhoid cream she sees in the bathroom medicine cabinet.

"Honestly, you two. I was sure you'd both be friends after so long, considering your mutual interest. Zenzou, you even kept all those issues of JUMP in th-"

Zenzou stuffs a natto roll in her mouth before she can finish her sentence and whisks her away by the arm. Of course since he is a law abiding (ninja) citizen, he drops the exact amount of change needed on the counter in a near invisible move before stealthily exiting the premises. 

Gintoki finds piles of old JUMP issues outside his home the next day (well, Shinpachi finds it and dumps it onto Gintoki's futon the following morning). Neither are surprised when there's a plethora of old BDSM magazine issues littered within, as well as Ayame's new phone number and a poorly (but much better than before) photoshopped image of Gintoki and Ayame in a wedding setting.

For a brief moment, he wonders just what the hell happened to Ayame to make her much less of a sow than she was before. But only for a brief moment as he goes back to sleep.

*

Ayame and Zenzou sit at the bar of Snack Otose, watching the crowd grow rowdier and rowdier as Otose yells at her tenants to stop eating all the food meant for customers while their friends sit and party (read: revel in chaos).

It is the death anniversary of Shigeshige (sorry, _Sho-chan_ ) and what started out as a solemn and tearful get together absolutely went straight to hell considering the cast of characters. Ayame wouldn't dare admit that it's her fault that it started with her showing that old picture of Shigeshige naked to talking about Snack Smile to talking about Vegeta to Kagura eating all of the rice out of the rice cooker.

Zenzou merely tosses back his whiskey and asks Tama for another.

Ayame, for all her quirks and oddities, is quieter than normal. She's still mourning the death of their beloved friend. Even with all the funny stories and encounters. Even with all their friends and their rambunctious yet endearing behavior, there is still someone missing from the crowd.

Zenzou places a discrete hand over hers as he orders two more whiskeys. One is for Ayame and one is for the empty seat next to her. With a knowing look and a nod, they down their shots and turn their glasses over. The last glass for their fallen friend remains at the bar. And in the chaos of Snack Otose, he brings her outside. They disappear onto a random rooftop, not far from the bar but not close enough to where they'll be seen. As they sit on the ledge of the building, Zenzou sits closer to Ayame (much closer than usual), still holding her hand. She can feel the warmth radiating off of his body, and she leans against him.

_Don’t throw your life away acting out of character._

"I guess I get to tell the samurai next time I see him that he doesn't need to worry about you popping out of his TV or hiding behind his bathroom mirror."

"Only if you promise to never make me apply your ass cream ever again."

" _Aah_ , can't promise that…" Zenzou replies, "...but I can promise you that I'll at least make it a pleasurable experience for you the next time I ask… and the next, and the next after that."

Ayame scoffs with a smile, "Promise?"

"Promise."

*

  
_Lesson 209:「_ _Nothing Lasts Forever, including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime_ _」_

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ‘Lesson’ titles are usually reserved for manga chapter titles but I feel like they have impact as anime episode titles too. I started writing this sometime last year (2019) after the Gintama manga finally ended, but then like all my writing projects I started and then left it halfway to work on something else (oops).
> 
> Sacchan has always been a character that’s close to my heart (I’ve been cosplaying her since 2014), and Gintama has also been very near and dear to me. I’ve been into it since its English debut in Shonen Jump in 2006 bc I used to buy monthly Shonen Jump. I still have one of the old 2007 issues bc of how much I love Gintama. So the series ending was just an emotional journey lmao. I’ve met so many good friends through it, and it’s just always been that series for me (even if I don’t produce much content for it…) 
> 
> Fujiwara Keiji passed away on April 12, 2020 to cancer. He was a seiyuu legend, but I’ll always see him as Hattori Zenzou first. When I saw the news of his death I was in shock, refreshing other seiyuu’s twitter pages and reading all these sad messages about how they looked up to him as a teacher and mentor. He was a legend and I will miss him very much.
> 
> Writing this at 5am was kind of my… catharsis. To Gintama ending. To his death. To all the stress and anxiety. If you stuck with this message this long, thank you.
> 
> I hope you love Gintama as much as I do, and I hope you continue to support Gintama, the affiliated seiyuu, and Sorachi-sensei in all their future endeavors.


End file.
